Ninth grade. I wasn’t called on to read aloud in class. No, now that we were in high school, reading aloud meant standing in front of the class. I don’t know if it was introversion, teenage angst, or hormones, but the day my first speech was due and I was supposed to stand in front of everyone, I was unable to bear it.
I was sweating, my heart was racing, and I could barely breathe. I hurried to the girls’ bathroom and ended up staying there for that whole period. Each time we were supposed to write and then perform another speech, it became easier to skip class.
While skipping class, I met up with others who were doing the same. And because I was the quiet type, these school skippers, also known as the stoners or cool kids among the “normal” kids, may have thought I just didn’t care about school.
It wasn’t long before I was doing things that contradicted the junior-high student who was earning A’s and B’s.
By age 16, I had been expelled and sent to two alternative educational schools. I also knew I could legally quit school, so I did. Not long after, I decided to leave home. I got a fake ID so I could work in a restaurant where they served alcohol, and I lived in a house with seven other young adults. We worked together, ate together, went to rock concerts, and lived on the wild side.
Being afraid to speak in front of others was the beginning of many bad and unconventional choices. Since then, I recognize that fear and anxiety happen at all ages and for various reasons. I’ve learned to push through, knowing that anxieties aren’t going to kill me, as uncomfortable as they are.
Despite that part of my history, I love to learn, even now, fifty years later.
And PS: I went back to school 2 years after dropping out and I got my high school diploma!
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